


Let's Talk About Malex

by BeStillMySlashyHeart



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Communication, Fluff and Angst, Friendship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-12
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2020-01-12 00:58:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18435749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeStillMySlashyHeart/pseuds/BeStillMySlashyHeart
Summary: While Michael and Alex are taking a little time apart to figure things out and work their way back together, they learn how to communicate, not only with each other, but with their friends too.Or,5 times Michael and Alex talked about their relationship with other people and 1 time they actually talked to each other





	Let's Talk About Malex

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to christchex and caitlesshea for talking this out with me!

 

“So what’s going on with you and Maria?” Liz hopped up on the table next to where Michael was working.

 

“Nothing,” Michael mumbled in reply. Truthfully, he didn’t even really hear her. His attention was focused on getting all of the strange powder into test tubes. His hand ached but he ignored it, hoping he could finish the task before it got too bad.

 

“Reeeeally?” Liz teased as she kicked him gently in the side. He shot her a glare and capped the test tube.

 

“Really what?” He asked as he walked over to the opposite table to add to his growing collection of yellowed test tubes.

 

Michael turned back to Liz to see her arching her eyebrow and shooting him a disbelieving look.

 

“What?” He asked again.

 

“Nothing’s going on between you and Maria?” She repeated. “I find that hard to believe.”

 

“Why? We can’t be friends?” Michael asked as he ignored her again to scrape the last bits of powder into yet another test tube. He sent Liz a silent thank you for bringing so many over.

 

Liz scoffed. “You’re telling me nothing happened in Texas? And at the museum? You looked really worried about her.” She dropped the teasing tone. “I think it’s great, really.”

 

“Nothing’s going on, Liz.” Michael barked and Liz flinched away from him. He sighed and dropped the tube on the table, his hand suddenly cramping up on him. “Fuck, sorry. It’s just- yeah we hooked up in Texas but that’s it. Nothing more to it. She made it very clear that it will never happen again.”

 

Liz didn’t say anything for a while, watching silently as Michael massaged his hand. “Do you want it to happen again?”

 

“Fuck me, I don’t know. It’s complicated.”

 

“How so?”

 

Michael shook his hand out and glared at her. Liz wasn’t phased in the slightest. “No. We’re not talking about my love life.”

 

“Do you love her?”

 

Michael closed his eyes. “No. But I think maybe I could.” He shook his head. “Part of me wants to find out but-”

 

“But?” Liz waited for Michael to continue but he didn’t. “Does she not want to date?”

 

“Ask her. _She’s_ your friend.” It came out more bitter than he’d like.

 

“You’re my friend too, Michael.” Liz told him. “So let’s talk about you. Why is it complicated if you want to find out if you really care about her? Seems pretty straightforward to me.”

 

Michael turned and leaned against the table next to her. It was a long moment before he replied. “It’s complicated.” Liz opened her mouth to respond but Michael just talked right over her. “On account of my having been in love with Alex for the last ten years.” Liz’s mouth snapped shut. “But mostly because I’m still in love with him.”

 

Liz took a beat to get over her shock. “Does Alex know?” She asked slowly, as if she was still trying to wrap her mind around it.

 

Michael snorted. “Yeah. Yeah, Alex is pretty fucking aware.”

 

Liz cocked her head. “Sooo how is that complicated?” She shook her head. “I’m sorry. It’s none of my business, I know, this is just kinda out of left field.”

 

Michael shrugged and looked away. Suddenly the ladder opposite him was the most interesting thing in the world. “We’ve had a weird off and on relationship since high school. Admittedly way more off than on but yeah. We just keep self destructing in one way or another. Maria found out about me and him after she and I hooked up and she’s sort of been shutting me out ever since even though Alex made it clear he and I were done and he wants to be friends.”

 

Liz didn’t say anything. After a moment she reached an arm over his shoulders and tugged him into a weird side hug. Michael let her for half a second.

 

“What is this?”

 

“It’s a hug, Mikey. Would work better if you would turn around and face me but I’m working with what I’ve got.”

 

“Why?” Michael asked after a beat.

 

She laid her head on his, clearly enjoying being slightly taller than him in their current position. “Because you seemed like you needed it. And because I wanted to.”

 

They stayed frozen in that position for a long minute. Then Michael pushed off of the table and let Liz’s arm fall before he turned around and stepped into her personal space. She smiled and tugged him into a proper hug.

 

“So you’re in love with Alex, huh?” Liz asked after Michael pulled away.

 

He felt a blush creep up his neck but shrugged it away. He had nothing to be embarrassed about. “Yup.” He popped the p and turned back to the work he’d abandoned.

 

“...can I offer some advice? I say as someone who knows very little about the situation,” she qualified. Michael shrugged which she took as permission. “You love Alex. I’m not sure what’s going on there but if you really love Alex, maybe respect that Maria wants space? You said that you could maybe love her but right now I don’t think you do. I think you care about her a lot but you love Alex.”

 

Michael let out a heavy sigh. That about summed it up. “And what am I supposed to do about the fact that the man I’m in love with just wants to be my friend?”

 

“Drink?” Liz offered. “And be the best damn friend he’s ever had. Maybe things will change.”

 

“I don’t think he’s suddenly going to decide he wants to be with me after all.” Michael shot back.

 

Liz gave a half shrug. “So maybe it doesn’t work out. But being apart of his life couldn’t hurt things could it?”

 

Michael huffed. “Depends on what you mean by things.”

 

Liz tugged his arm until he came back over to her and wrapped her arms around him again. “Well, if you need to talk. Or hug. I’m here.”

 

He closed his eyes and wrapped an arm around her in return. “Thanks, Liz.”

 

2.

 

Alex flinched as a package slammed onto the table next to him and knocked over his coffee. It was only Kyle’s shout that had him scrambling for something to stop the spread of coffee from reaching his computers rather than looking for an enemy.

 

In a flash, Kyle was next to him and ripping off his jacket. Alex hurried to move his keyboard and phone out of the way while Kyle used his jacket to sop up the mess.

 

“Sorry, sorry.” Kyle repeated as he cleaned it up. Alex shot him a glare but didn’t respond just yet. He waited until everything was clear to turn on him.

 

“What the fuck, Valenti?”

 

“Sorry!” Kyle repeated. “My aim was a little off.”

 

“What the hell were you aiming for? No, better yet, _why_ are you throwing things in here?”

 

Kyle shrugged sheepishly and picked up the offending package. “I wasn’t thinking. I was just excited to give this to you.” He thrust it out in front of Alex. Alex stared at it for a moment but didn’t move to take it. Kyle rolled his eyes. “It’s not a bomb, Alex. It’s a birthday present.”

  
Alex’s eyes shot up to Kyle’s. “My birthday’s not for another two months.”

 

“Early birthday present, then.” He shook the package Alex still hadn’t taken.

 

Alex sighed and grabbed it. Quickly, he ripped open the inconspicuous package and shook out its contents. When he finally saw what it was he shot Kyle a glare only to get a shit eating grin back. Alex rolled his eyes and ignored the blush threatening his cheeks. He shoved the gift back into its packaging and shoved it back into Kyle’s chest.

 

“We should get back to work.” He turned and settled back into his chair, his fingers quickly flying across the keys. “You owe me a coffee, by the way.”

 

Silence greeted him. After a beat, Alex sighed and turned around. Kyle was standing in the same place, holding Alex’s gift and looking concerned. When Alex turned around, he dropped his arms and cleared his expression.

 

“Thanks for the gift?” Alex tried. This whole pseudo friendship thing they had going took some getting used to. And while he’d gotten on Liz’s case for being a bad friend, he wasn’t much better at it himself sometimes. “I appreciate the thought?”

 

Kyle rolled his eyes. “It was meant to be funny. I didn’t mean to offend you.”

 

Alex furrowed his brow. “I’m not offended.”

 

Kyle raised an eyebrow. “Sure seemed like it.”

 

“I’m not, it’s just-” he ran a hand across his brow and sighed. “It’s complicated.”

 

“Riight,” Kyle replied. “A gag gift is complicated.”

 

Alex shot him a glare. “Not the gift. What the gift represents.”

 

Kyle didn’t respond immediately. “I know we’re not friends exactly but I’d like to think we were closer than we used to be. Too much time together in this shitty place to not be at least friendly, right? So if you ever need to talk, the offer for a beer is still there.” He offered eventually.

 

Alex let out a breath and looked away. For some reason, his eyes caught on the gift, its contents hidden away again in its packaging. He couldn’t look away.

 

“I need time. To process.” He said eventually. “But I have a history of walking away and at this point I’m not sure how much time I have before-”

 

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Kyle nod slowly and come to rest against the railing close by. He didn’t say anything, though.

 

“He wants to leave. And all he needs to do it is that last piece of the ship I showed you.” Alex admitted softly. “Oh and he hooked up with Maria. Not that either of them did anything wrong but yeah. It’s complicated.”

 

“That sucks,” Kyle let out in a whoosh. Alex tore his eyes from the package to shoot him a glare but Kyle just shrugged. “What? It does suck. Not to overstep or anything but you’re pretty obviously in love with the guy. So it sucks that he’s trying to leave and it sucks that he hooked up with your best friend.”

 

“Thanks for the insight,” Alex snapped. Kyle rolled his eyes and held his hands up.

 

“Just saying.” Alex rolled his eyes and started to turn around but Kyle kept talking. “So now what are you going to do about it?”

 

He shot Kyle a questioning look. “Do about what?”

 

“About Guerin.”

 

“Well, right now, I’m going to make sure he’s firmly off of the government’s radar.”

 

“And then?”

 

“And then-” Alex shrugged helplessly. “Then I don’t know.”

 

Kyle made a noncommittal noise. “Can I offer advice?”

 

Alex waved a hand. “Don’t think I can stop you from talking but I’m not agreeing to follow any of it.”

 

“That’s fair,” Kyle agreed. “You should give him the piece. And talk to the guy. Like I said, it’s obvious you love him but there seems to be some communication issues.”

 

Alex snorted. “You could say that. We’re trying to talk more but it’s not our forte.”

 

“Ew,” Kyle teased. “I did not need to know that.”

 

Alex shot him a look. “Not like that….ok fine yes like that. But in general, we’re both bad at communicating. We keep leaving things half said and hoping the other person can fill in the gaps and then we get mad when the gaps get filled in wrong.”

 

“Try again,” Kyle urged softly.

 

“You say that like it’s easy,” Alex scoffed.

 

“It’s not easy,” Kyle agreed. “But you took on your father and now you’re going after the goddamn Air Force and you can’t tell me that the fact that it’s Guerin didn’t influence your decision to do it. He may not be the entire reason you’re doing this but he’s a big part of it. So you might as well try again. And again, if necessary.”

 

He pushed away from the railing and walked down the stairs. “I’ll go get you that coffee,” he called over his shoulder as he left Alex to his thoughts.

 

Alex stared after him for a moment before his attention were drawn back to the package. He shook his head at himself and turned back to his computer.

 

He got maybe five minutes worth of work done before he was up and across the room, the package in his hands as he tore it open again. The soft cloth fell into his hands and he shook it out until he could see the graphic printed on the front. It wasn’t the picture that had gotten to him earlier, though. It was the words printed below it:

 

SAVE A HORSE  
RIDE A COWBOY

 

Alex shook his head but couldn’t help the small smile that spread across his lips. Maybe one day he could wear it for Michael. Alex didn’t doubt that the man would love it.

 

3.

 

“Alright, I have Chardonnay and some other crap.” Michael called as he dropped his bags onto the kitchen counter. “I don’t know. I just grabbed a bunch of bottles of white. Figured you wouldn’t be too picky.”

 

Isobel didn’t say anything as she crept up behind him and snatched a bottle as soon as he pulled it out of the bag. She rooted through the drawer for a moment before pulling out a bottle opener and retreating. Michael stared after her as she collapsed back into her chair and wrapped her blanket around her shoulders as she uncorked the bottle and took a heavy swig. She hadn’t bothered with a glass.

  
He put the other bottle he’d pulled out back in the bag and took the whole thing over to her. Distantly, he knew he probably shouldn’t be encouraging this behavior but who was he to judge if Isobel wanted to drown her pain in a bottle? He’d certainly done it more than a few times himself.

 

“Want something stronger?” He offered as he sat down in the chair next to hers.

 

Isobel shook her head and took another long swing. “Too much alien crap right now. I just want to get drunk the human way.”

 

Michael didn’t get that but it didn’t matter. He just settled into his chair and got comfortable. “Where’s Max?”

 

“Work. He and Cam need to keep up appearances.” She replied shortly.

 

“And Noah?” He asked, no use beating around the bush.

 

“My murderer of a husband is locked in the guestroom. He’s starting to deteriorate from the drug Liz gave him.” She took another sip. Michael eyed the dwindling level still in the bottle with a worried glance. “Distract me.”

 

Michael blinked and shook his head at the subject change. “What?”

 

“Distract me,” Isobel ordered again. “I need something to think about that isn’t Noah.”

 

Michael opened and closed his mouth a few times. He felt a little put on the spot here and he wasn’t sure what to say.

 

“Come on, there has to be something going on in your life,” Isobel cajoled. “You were pretty worried about Maria the other night…”

 

Michael groaned and ran a hand over his face.

 

“What? I can’t want to know about my brother’s love life?” Isobel snapped, sounding hurt.

 

“No, no it’s just-” Michael cut himself off with a harsh laugh. He spent a moment debating if he wanted to tell her before deciding that he truly was done keeping secrets. “It’s a long story.”

 

Isobel shifted in her seat so that she was facing him more fully. The wine bottle was clutched in her hands.

 

Michael huffed a humorless laugh and shrugged. “Ok. So.” He paused.

 

Isobel waved her hand at him to continue and he shot her a glare.

 

“Be patient. I’ve never really laid it out for someone before, okay?” He told her. “Okay, so I guess I start at the beginning.”

 

In a few minutes, Michael laid bare his entire history with Alex Manes from senior year to his return to Roswell. The great (their perfect first kiss and their easiness of their first time), the good (the phone calls and emails while Alex was stationed outside of Roswell, that little bit of connection they shared that they wouldn’t let break), the bad (the shed, the distance), and the heartbreak (watching Alex walk away from him time and time again).

 

“How did I not know about any of this?” Isobel asked sadly when he paused for a breath.

 

“Because I didn’t want you to know.” He told her. “Part of it was fear. After his dad caught us,” he paused and rubbed his left hand, “I knew you wouldn’t care but fear is irrational sometimes. And then it was my little secret. Alex was something that was mine. You two had each other and your parents and then you had Noah. Alex was for me and I liked it. After a while, it just became habit. I’d kept the secret so long I didn’t know how to talk about it. Or even if there was something worth talking about, sometimes.” He smiled humorlessly. “It hasn’t been the easiest relationship in history. If it’s ever even been a relationship.”

 

Isobel reached across and laid a hand on his arm and squeezed gently. “Ten years? That’s a relationship, Michael. A massively unconventional, mostly dysfunctional relationship but a relationship, nonetheless.” She moved her hand down his arm to grip his firmly. “So what now? Where are you guys now that he’s back in Roswell?”

 

Michael shrugged. “I don’t know. Right after he got back, things were good. But then he walked away again. Some bullshit about being an airman and needing to keep better company these days. I guess I held out hope for a while that he’d come back like he always did but then he shut me down one last time. And then I went to Texas and hooked up with Maria DeLuca.” He admitted.

 

Isobel arched an eyebrow. Somehow, she stayed silent and let him continue.

 

“It really was just a hook-up. But I don’t know-I like her, Izzy. I like her a lot. And she seems to like me. Or she did until she found out about me and Alex. Which was after Alex found out about me and her.”

 

“Damn.”

 

Michael laughed lightly. “Yeah. Alex came over and told me he was done walking away, that he’d loved me, and he wanted us to _talk_ and be _friends_. That was when he told me he knew all about me being an alien. And I don’t know. I told him everything.” He let out a breath. “And then he walked away. I think some of the things he saw in my bunker scared him but I don’t know. We’ve texted a few times since then. One or two late night calls but we haven’t really talked.” He waved his hands around. “We talk about nothing. About favorite foods and colors and movies. Not about us. And I don’t know where we stand or where we’re going. And meanwhile-” he trailed off.

 

“Meanwhile, you like Maria.” Isobel finished for him.

 

“Yeah,” he breathed. “She’ll barely even talk to me because she doesn’t want to hurt Alex but honestly, I don’t even know if he’d care. Not if all he wants is to be friends.”

 

“What do you want?”

 

“I want Alex.” Michael stated simply. “I just want Alex, Iz. He’s-when I’m with him, I feel, I don’t know, whole? Like I’m not an alien and a mechanic. Most of the time, I feel torn between my shitty life here and the unknown that could be waiting for me out there. But when I’m with Alex, I’m home. Only time I’ve ever felt like I belonged on this planet was with him.”

 

Isobel stood up and put her still half-full bottle of wine on the floor and climbed into Michael’s lap, wrapping her arms around his neck as she did. Michael didn’t notice until then that he’d started crying, tears spilling over and onto Isobel’s cheeks where she pressed in close.

 

“Why am I crying?” He asked plaintively.

 

“Because your heart’s breaking,” Isobel answered softly. “You’re afraid Alex doesn’t love you anymore. That you’ve lost your chance.”

 

Michael gripped her tight, ignoring the truth in her words. Isobel didn’t move for a long time. She just sat there wrapped in Michael’s arms, clutching him tight and letting him cry.

 

4.

 

“How can you do it?”

 

Alex stopped at the words and turned around slowly. Apparently, Max hadn’t left with the others. He was standing on the landing at the doors and staring into the command center, his face pinched with anger.

 

Alex looked at him then around himself to try and see what was angering the other man. Finding nothing, he turned back to Max. “How can I do what?”

 

Max turned his glare on him and Alex raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Be a part of the very thing trying to tear Michael down.”

 

Alex blinked. “Excuse me?”

 

“He thinks you love him,” Max spat at him. “And yet, here you are heading the very government project assigned to hunt him down and capture him like a lab rat.”

 

Alex stared at him in shock for a beat then steeled himself. Just as he opened his mouth to respond, Max continued.

 

“After everything you’ve done to him, after what your father has done to him, don’t you think he’d be better off without you? Why don’t you let him go so he can live his life? Try and be happy?” Max’s face was contorted with rage.

 

Alex felt his own anger simmering as he took a few steps closer to Max. “Look, Evans, I’m not sure what you think you know about me or about my relationship with Michael but you could clearly stand to learn a few things. First, I am running Project Shepherd with the explicit purpose of _protecting_ Michael. If I’m in control of the operation I can guarantee that he stays safe and off of anyone’s radar. I can erase all of the work my father has done. Second, my father’s actions are not my own.” His voice was hard but he didn’t want to debate this with Max. He’d gone over it enough times with Michael recently and it wasn’t a topic of discussion for anyone but them. “I know I’ve hurt him. I’m trying to do everything I can to avoid hurting him in the future but that is between me and him. Not you. If he wants to be done with me, that’s his decision, not yours. You do not get a say in his life. You’ve never even tried before so don’t start now.”

 

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Max shot back. He practically leapt down the stairs in a hurry to get face to face with Alex. Alex just stared straight back at him. “You think I don’t care about Michael? Who the hell do you think you are?”

 

“I think I’m the guy who’s been there for him for a decade. I wasn’t even living in Roswell for most of it and he still came to me to talk instead of you. Because you weren’t there for him. Did you even notice or care that Michael was living out of his truck in high school? It took you ten years to really ask about his hand, for fuck’s sake! Michael has been through a lot of shit in his life and you have never been there for him when he needed it.” Alex closed the distance between them until he was nearly cross-eyed from trying to maintain eye contact. “You say a lot of pretty words about family and being brothers. You should try acting like it every once in a while. Try, just once, treating Michael like you treat Isobel.”

 

Max took a step back, his eyes wide.

 

Alex shook his head in contempt. “You think I don’t talk to Michael? You think I don’t know what his life is like? Just because you don’t see it happening doesn’t mean it isn’t there. There’s a lot you seem to miss when it comes to Michael, Evans. You’re always there for Isobel, no matter what. But you thought for ten years that she was the one who killed Rosa and the others and you blamed _Michael_ for it. Because you couldn’t bear to hurt Isobel. Michael, on the other hand? Well, nothing seems to stop you from being an asshole to him.” Alex’s voice was cold and calm. It was a sharp contrast to the visible fury in Max’s eyes.

 

“Shut the fuck up, Manes!” Max yelled at him. “Don’t you dare accuse me of not loving Michael. He’s my _brother_.”

 

“Then act like it,” Alex cut in. Max took a quick step towards him and Alex saw the lights start to flicker. Honestly, he was surprised it had taken this long for Max to get to this point.

 

“I have been there for him our whole lives. I didn’t _abandon_ him.” Max spat. “I didn’t give him a home and a reason to stay on Earth and then run away from it all. That was you, Manes. You think I wasn’t there for him? What would he need me for? Oh riiight.” His glare hardened. “To put him back together after you broke him.”

 

The two men stood glaring at each other for a beat before Max stepped back. “Stay away from him, Manes. For his own good.”

 

Alex didn’t answer as Max turned and stalked away. It was only when he heard the outer door slam shut that he sagged into the nearest chair and put his head in his hands. He’d waited a long time to give Max Evans a piece of his mind but he hadn’t expected Max to give as good as he got. He should have, he knew that. But somehow, he pictured Max still being in the dark about him and Michael.

 

He desperately wanted a drink but that would require getting up and Alex wasn’t quite ready to do that. Max’s parting shot had hurt, dammit. Alex knew he’d hurt Michael every time he walked away. He just didn’t think he’d ever really broken the man, nor had he thought of it as abandoning him. Michael had been abandoned too many times in his life and Alex hated himself for being one of them.

 

He hated himself more if what Max said about Alex giving Michael a home and reason to stay on Earth was true.

5.  


Alex fiddled with the bottle in front of him. He’d stopped drinking a while ago in an effort to sober up a little for the conversation he hoped/dreaded was coming. But staring down a bottle was not wholly conducive to his sobriety. He was seriously contemplating getting up and getting another when the lights flickered on and Maria’s voice rang out for last call.

 

Instead of getting up, he settled further into his seat. Alex was huddled in a booth in the back corner of the bar, had been for hours now.

 

It was a special brand of cowardice and bravery that led him to where he was. For weeks, months really, he and Maria had been mutually avoiding each other. They texted sure, Maria more than him, but they’d somehow managed to avoid being together in a physical place. Except when emergencies called for it, at least. But in those cases either there was too much going on for them to talk or they were in a group and it wasn’t the right time and place.

 

He missed his best friend. Even when he’d been gone they’d talked more than they did now. So Alex had decided to bite the bullet and go talk to her. Until he walked the door and then hid in a back corner that couldn’t be seen from the bar. He’d even made sure to order his drinks from the other bartender.

 

With the last stragglers shuffling out, Alex thought briefly of sneaking out with them before shoving that thought very far down and getting up from his seat. He waited for the place to clear out and Maria to send her bartender home before he walked up to the bar.

 

“What part of we’re closed did you not understand?” Maria called over her shoulder when she caught his movement. Alex didn’t stop, he kept moving until he settled in at a barstool. Maria had ducked under the bar for something but popped her head up at the sound of a barstool being pulled off of the counter and back to the ground. “Hey! I said-” She froze when she saw him. “Alex?”

 

“Hi,” Alex greeted quietly. “Figured it was time we stopped avoiding each other?”

 

She swallowed and nodded sharply. Alex watched as she wringed the towel she was holding. Maria took a deep breath and plastered a smile on her face. “Want a drink?”

 

Alex knew he should refuse - he’d wanted to be clear headed but he couldn’t resist the offer. He nodded and waited silently while she grabbed them two glasses and a bottle of whiskey before pouring them both generous portions.

 

“I miss you,” Alex admitted softly.

 

The fake smile dropped but Alex was pleased to see a smaller, more genuine smile replace it. “I miss you too. I hate this, Alex.”

 

“Me too.”

 

Maria came out from behind the bar and beckoned him over to a table. Alex grabbed the bottle and followed easily.

 

“What can I say?” Maria asked when they were settled. “It-”

 

Alex held up a hand and shook his head. “Please don’t apologize. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

 

Maria looked at him in mild disbelief. “Then why haven’t we talked?”

 

Alex shrugged and looked into his glass as he swished the liquid around. “Just because you didn’t do anything wrong doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt. And you were avoiding me too, Maria.”

 

“I-” Maria blinked a couple of times and looked away. Alex thought she might be getting teary but didn’t dwell on it, lest he start spilling tears of his own. “I don’t know how to do this, Alex. This is the last position I ever wanted to be in. I never wanted to hurt you. And yeah, I didn’t know. But that doesn’t mean I don’t feel guilty. And I-” She stopped herself and put a hand over her mouth.

 

Alex felt his heart clench. “You care about him.” He forced out. Maria had never said as much to him but he’d been talking to Michael more, even about the hard stuff, and Maria and Michael’s feelings for her had inevitably come up.

 

Maria looked at him sadly. “I don’t love him.” She assured him. “But- but yeah. I care about him.”

 

She swallowed hard and Alex took a sip of his drink. “Ok. For tonight, we clear the air. Get everything out that we need to. We can ask each other whatever and we answer honestly. And then we move on.” Alex proposed. “Because I miss my best friend and I really want us to get past this.”

 

“So do I.” Maria agreed. “Are you sure?” When Alex nodded, Maria took a sip of her own drink and nodded. “Carry on then. What do you want to know?”

 

Alex let out a humorless laugh. “Not sure I want to know, honestly. But- uh is there going to be an issue with me and you if Michael and I…” he trailed off.

 

Maria shook her head. “No. No, Alex, god no. I care about him. And yes, maybe if he and I tried something? I could see myself falling in love with him. But I am not there yet. Not even close.” She took a sip. “But I do like spending time with him and I don’t want to lose that.”

 

“I don’t want you to.” Alex told her. “He cares about you, too. And I know he misses you.”

 

“You two are talking?” Maria asked hesitantly. “Last time I spoke to him he said you guys were done and in the past…”

 

Alex finished his glass and poured another one. “I’m pretty horrible when it comes to him. He scares me. Or rather, how I feel about him scares me. So I have a history of taking any and every excuse to walk away. I told him we were finished for good right before you all went to Texas. And then when you got back, I went to see him and I told him I was done running, that I wanted to get to know more about him since we’ve missed out on so much of each other’s lives. But he told me something and I left. I said I needed space.” He let out a bitter laugh. “And then I ghosted him for weeks while I dealt with it. But yeah, we’re texting. Calling occasionally. Trying to figure out this whole communication thing. Haven’t actually seen each other in a while, at least not really.”

 

Maria didn’t say anything for a while, letting them both sip their drinks in silence. “Have you told him how you feel about him?”

 

“It’s complicated.”

 

“Alex,” she started. “You can tell me to butt out but, what the fuck?”

 

Alex looked at her in surprise.

 

“I know how you feel about him. I mean that literally, by the way. And I can feel how he feels about you. You two may suck at communication, but I would have thought that you’d at least be honest with each other about that.”

 

“We are. Sort of.” Alex shifted in his seat. “We mostly talk in the past tense and leave the present out of it.”

 

She shot him an unimpressed look. Alex looked away and she thankfully let it go.

 

He cleared his throat. “So. What’s going on with you? I’ve been MIA as a friend lately. If you need to talk, about anything, up to and including Michael, I’m here.”

 

She swirled her glass. “My mom’s getting worse. She doesn’t recognize me most of the time. The bar isn’t doing great. I’m afraid I might lose it. And the only time I feel like I’ve been able to just ignore all of that for a moment and lean on someone is when I’m with Michael. And I hate myself for it. I hate myself for doing something that I know hurts you.” Alex moved into the seat next to Maria and pulled her into a hug. “But I just need to lean on someone sometimes.”

 

“I’m sorry. God, Maria, I am so sorry I haven’t been there for you.”

 

“You’ve had your own stuff to deal with.”

 

He pulled back and looked at her, his thumbs wiping at the tears escaping down her cheeks. “I don’t care. We all have our own shit to deal with - doesn’t give me an excuse for being a shitty friend. I should have been there for you instead of feeling sorry for myself. And I am so sorry for that.”

 

“No, Alex, I hurt you.”

 

“Because I was never honest with you. Fuck, Maria, I’ve had ten years to tell you about Michael. And I never did. So this hurts on me. I did it to myself.”

 

Maria closed her eyes and pulled him back into a hug. “How about this? We’ve both fucked up. We’re both shitty friends. Can we just accept that we’re both sorry and move on? Try to be better?”

 

“Yes,” Alex replied earnestly. “But just for clarification, I’m the shitty friend here. Not you.”

 

“Alex,” Maria warned when she pulled away.

 

“Maria,” Alex shot back teasingly. They exchanged small smiles before he tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. “You are my best friend, Maria DeLuca, and like hell is a guy ever going to come between us. I love you so much and I am sorry for my part in letting us drift apart these few months. And I promise to be there for you in the future. If you want to lean on Michael, then I think you should. But if you want to lean on me, I will always be there for you to do so.”

 

Maria shot him a watery smile. “I love you too Alex.”

 

Alex pressed a kiss into her hair as she settled back into his arms.

 

+1.

 

Alex slid out of his car and let the door slam closed behind him.

 

“You know,” he called, “I got no less than four worried phone calls today.”

 

“Only four?”

 

Alex hummed. “And a passive aggressive text...or five.”

 

Silence answered him and Alex rolled his eyes. In a few quick steps he rounded the other truck and stared past the open liftgate to the figure sprawled in the bed of the old truck.

 

“Guerin,” he greeted tersely. Michael raised a hand from his chest to wave at him but didn’t say anything. “Why are you out here scaring everyone?”

 

“Didn’t mean to scare anyone,” Michael answered. “Didn’t think anyone would notice I was gone. They never have before.”

 

Alex felt a pang but brushed it aside. “Well they noticed. Did you really think it would be a good idea to disappear for an entire day without a word to anyone? And to top it all off you turned your phone off.” He glared at Michael but the man didn’t bother lifting his head to see it. “With everything that’s going on right now, you can’t just disappear.”

 

“I didn’t disappear. I just came here.” Michael shot back.

 

“Without telling anyone.”

 

Now Michael lifted his head just enough to look at Alex. “Didn’t stop you from finding me.”

 

Alex swallowed hard and looked away. In truth, at first he’d thought maybe Michael was just ignoring Isobel and Liz. But then Maria and Kyle had gone to ask for his help with something and he was nowhere to be found. Since things had settled between all three of them, Michael had been a model friend to Maria. He was always there for her and never turned her away. So when even she couldn’t get a hold of him, he’d started to get worried. And then he’d gotten Max’s texts. His relationship with the man had not improved so for Max to willingly seek his help, he had to be seriously worried.

 

Alex had worried, too, for a few minutes before he realized what was going on. Without a word to anyone else besides a quick text to Maria to let her know he was taking care of it and not worry about Michael, Alex had gotten in his car and driven out to a random spot in the desert. Of course, it wasn’t a random spot at all. No, this is where Alex told Michael goodbye for the first time. Eleven years ago to the day, Alex had left Roswell for the Air Force and they’d both been forever changed.

 

Distantly, Alex realized he’d been standing at the foot of the truck staring silently at Michael for too long. When Michael picked his head up to quirk an eyebrow, he made a decision.

 

As gracefully as possible, Alex hopped into the truck and settled into the space next to Michael, the other man shifting to give him room. It was a small space though and the position left them pressed together, Michael’s warmth radiating along the side of his body. Alex ignored it in favor of staring up at the stars.

 

“I thought I was saving you,” Alex admitted quietly, his voice barely above a whisper.

 

“I know.” Michael’s voice was just as soft.

 

“He never explicitly threatened you.” Alex continued. “But after that night, and after Rosa died, I couldn’t get the image of him hurting you out of my head. Every time we were together, I had that fear in the back of my mind and I couldn’t live like that. I thought if I left, he wouldn’t have any reason to go after you ever again. You’d be safe.”

 

“Alex,” he turned his head to see Michael staring at him, “I know. We were two dumb kids, too in love with each other to know how to handle it. And after the shed, we were traumatized. And we both made dumb decisions while we were trying to deal with it. I’m not angry or upset.”

 

“I know.” Alex assured him because he did know. Michael hadn’t understood his decision to enlist but he’d never been mad about it. “But I wanted to tell you. Part of this whole communication thing, right?”

 

Michael huffed as he looked back at the stars. “Right.” Alex followed his gaze and tried to pick out the few constellations he knew.

 

“I miss you,” Michael admitted. “I miss you every day even when you’re right next to me. We’re talking more than ever and yet you’ve never felt further away from me.”

 

“Michael-”

 

“I don’t know how to be your friend, Alex.”

 

“You’ve been doing a pretty good job of it lately.”

 

Alex turned to see Michael shaking his head. “I don’t know how to be _just_ your friend.”

 

Alex swallowed and looked back up. “Who said anything about just?” Michael made a noise but Alex ignored him. “I told you I loved you but that I didn’t really know you. I said I wanted us to talk, that I wanted to know more about you. I said I didn’t know what I wanted us to be, maybe friends, maybe not. But I never said the word just, Guerin.” He turned to see Michael staring at him, cautious hope shining in his eyes. “I want us to last. I want this to be real this time. Something more than just epic sex and a crazy connection. I want _more_.” He licked his lips. “Figured being friends would be a good starting point for that. And I’d say we’ve been doing really well at it.”

 

Michael lifted his eyes from Alex’s lips to look into his eyes. “How well?”

 

The corners of Alex’s lips twitched. “I’d say we have a solid foundation going.”

 

“A foundation for more?”

 

“Do you want more?”

 

“I want everything.”

 

Alex smiled. “Let’s start with a date. Work our way up to everything.”

 

Michael grinned at him. “Yeah?”

 

Alex’s face split wide with his own grin. “Yeah.” He breathed.

 

Michael rolled onto his side and cupped the side of his face. Alex’s eyes slipped closed as Michael’s thumb gently traced his lips, a move oddly reminiscent of the one morning Alex spent in the Airstream. Alex lost himself to the feeling of Michael’s hands back on him for the moment. It had been excruciating being so close to the man and not letting himself touch and be touched. But that was their past now. They were moving forward, and forward would hopefully include lots of touching.

 

“Hey,” Michael said softly. “You still with me?”

 

Alex opened his eyes to see the softest smile on Michael’s lips. He nodded.

 

“What are the rules for this dating thing?”

 

Alex raised an eyebrow. “Food’s usually involved. Maybe a movie.”

 

“And kissing? Sex?”

 

Alex nodded eagerly. “Oh absolutely. In fact,” he played with the hem of Michael’s shirt with his fingers, “I would say that neither of those things require an actual date.” He played at nonchalance. “In fact, we could even do those things now, if we wanted.”

 

“Oh really?” Michael teased, his smile broadening.

 

Alex nodded. “If you’re up for it, that is.” As he spoke, he lifted his free hand to tangle in Michael’s curls and tugged him close.

 

“I’m always up for it,” Michael whispered into his mouth as their lips collided.


End file.
